Looking for love can be a daunting task. Whether you're jumping back into the dating game after a long hiatus or have never really prioritized romance, knowing what to avoid (you know, like those flaming red flags you missed with your ex) and what to seek out in new relationships can be challenging. So how do you pinpoint those crucial qualities and values that will help you find the fulfillment you've been craving? In this blog post, we'll discuss one of my favorite strategies for figuring out exactly what you need - and deserve - from your romantic relationships. Let’s get started on the journey to love!
Mapping Out Your Needs
You wouldn’t go into the wilderness without a GPS, right? Then why would you jump into the chaos of the dating world without one?! But Stacey, you say, I don’t have a compass that leads me to the perfect person. I guess Jack Sparrow would really come in handy here but I’ve got something even better than a legendary compass. I’m talking about perspective. I’ve been through the dating scene and struggled through subpar relationships. I put my time in and learned so that hopefully you don’t have to.
The biggest thing that I realized when I finally escaped the revolving door of first dates was a map. At some point, everyone gets fed up with dating scene and seeing as you’re here, I think you might have something in common with my past self. If you’re ready to meet the person with whom you click like a puzzle piece, you’ve got to sit down and create your map.
When I tell my coaching clients to map out their needs, I’m often hit with a wall of blank stares followed by a few vague terms. My favorite word for them to throw out in those moments is “nice”- it has got to be the most unmeaningful word in the dictionary! It’s at this point that I ask them to tell me about a few people who they would classify as nice and then inquire as to why they’re not dating. You see, anyone can be nice… but most people have 2 or 3 major needs (if not more- I mean, we’re only human!) that they cannot reasonably function in a relationship without. You need to sit down and prioritize the things that are most important to you in a partner. The best way to do this is to look at your past relationships. If you haven’t had any relationships, consider friendships that you have or couples who you admire in real life. Consider what about those relationships makes you think that they are successful. If you’re drawing on your own experience, think about why the relationship failed. What problems on both sides led to downfall? Maybe you weren’t communicative enough so you need someone who can provide a safe space for you to push beyond your hang-up with open communication. This could also mean that you need someone who is able to address your fears and anxieties about opening up to partner.
Ultimately, a relationship fails because one or more partners are not having their needs met. If you can identify which needs were not met on both sides (yes you need to think about what needs you didn’t meet for your ex even if they weren’t the best!) and determine what caused those needs to be left unmet.
When it comes to finding love, it's important to know what you're looking for… but it can be even more important to know what you’re not looking for. What are your emotional needs? Do you need someone who will make you laugh, or someone who is more serious? Someone who is outgoing or someone who is more introspective? All of the above? What if they have some of these qualities but not all? There are a million questions to ask and, chances are, even more answers,
Figuring out what you need in a partner is essential to finding lasting happiness. A good place to start is by making a list of qualities that are important to you. If you find it tough to do this on your own, you might want to consult a relationship coach (like me!) to better determine your relationship needs and how to fulfill them. Because you’re so awesome and read to the end of this blog post, I’d like to offer you a free discovery call to chat about your needs and uncover a pathway to progress designed to push you closer to your relationship goals. Once you’ve created a map of needs, you'll be better equipped to find a partner who can fulfill them… so what are you waiting for? Give me a call so we can work through your list and discover your pathway to progress ASAP! You’ve waited for “the one” long enough. It’s time to build the relationship that you deserve.
About the Author:
Stacey Beal is Progress Pathways Coaching's High Conflict Relationship Coach. She has spent over 15 years helping clients improve their communication skills, build confidence, and develop tools for healthy relationship management. As Divorce and Custody Coach specialist, she knows that life isn't always easy and has learned how to help her clients turn difficult life circumstances into an opportunity for personal growth. Ready to make a change? Call Stacey at (774) 315-4220 to schedule your FREE Discovery Call and get started on your own Pathway to Progress.