Breaking the Cycle: How Massachusetts Courts Protect Victims of Domestic Violence

Why Domestic Violence Is Difficult to Recognize

Domestic violence often doesn’t begin with an obvious act of aggression. At the start, relationships may appear loving and supportive. When an incident finally occurs, it can feel so out of character that victims dismiss it as a one-time mistake. They might blame alcohol, stress, or even something they said.

Because of this, many people don’t recognize abuse in its early stages. They want to believe in the future they envisioned with their partner, so they brush it under the rug. Unfortunately, when abuse is ignored, the cycle often repeats—and grows more dangerous over time.

The Subtle Power of Emotional Abuse

When most people hear the term “domestic violence,” they imagine hitting, shoving, or physical assault. While those actions are certainly part of the definition, abuse is not always visible. Emotional and psychological abuse can be just as harmful, even if there are no physical scars.

Examples of non-physical abuse include:

• Constantly monitoring how money is spent and punishing any deviation

• Isolating a partner from friends and family

• Trapping someone in a room to intimidate them

• Using threats against children or pets as leverage

These forms of control make victims feel trapped and powerless. Many don’t realize they are living in an abusive relationship until they share their experiences with a lawyer or counselor. Recognizing that domestic violence includes emotional and financial abuse is an important step toward seeking help.

Understanding the Cycle of Abuse

Abuse is rarely a single event—it follows a cycle that repeats itself over and over. In many cases, it begins with love bombing. At the start of the relationship, the abuser may overwhelm their partner with affection, compliments, and promises of a perfect future together.

Once trust is established, small acts of control begin. These can look like subtle criticism, restrictions on independence, or attempts to isolate the victim from outside support. When the victim resists, the abuser escalates—through threats, manipulation, or outright aggression.

After the abuse, the abuser often apologizes. They may swear it will never happen again, shower the victim with affection, and promise to change. This gives the victim hope, making them believe the relationship will return to how it felt in the beginning. Unfortunately, the cycle almost always restarts—and the abusive episodes usually worsen with time.

How Abuse Escalates

In the early days of an abusive relationship, there may be long stretches of calm between incidents. This spacing makes it easier for the victim to excuse the behavior or believe it was a one-off.

Over time, however, the gaps close. The abuse grows harsher, more frequent, and more dangerous. What began as intimidation or name-calling can escalate into threats, physical harm, or more severe forms of control.

One truth remains consistent:

• If it happens once, it can happen again.

• If it happens twice, it will happen again.

This pattern is why victims should not wait for the situation to “fix itself.” Abuse rarely gets better on its own—it almost always escalates.

The Impact on Children

Domestic violence doesn’t just affect adults in the relationship—it has a profound impact on children. Even if children are not the direct targets, they absorb what they see and hear.

• Some children learn to accept abuse as normal, making them more likely to become victims in their own adult relationships.

• Others internalize the behavior of the abusive parent, increasing the risk that they may repeat the cycle as perpetrators.

Remaining in a cycle of abuse unintentionally teaches children that mistreatment is acceptable. By recognizing abuse and seeking help early, parents not only protect themselves but also set a healthier example for their children’s future.

Legal Tools in Massachusetts to Break the Cycle

Massachusetts law provides several legal avenues to help victims regain safety and independence. These tools are designed to protect individuals and families when abuse occurs.

209A Restraining Orders

A restraining order—often called a 209A order—applies when the abuser is a spouse, family member, or intimate partner. The court can order the abuser to stay away, stop contacting the victim, and leave them alone. This order may also include additional protections tailored to the situation.

Harassment Protection Orders

When abuse comes from someone outside of a family or romantic relationship, victims may seek a harassment protection order instead. These are often used when harassment involves repeated unwanted contact, threatening messages, or intimidation tactics such as harming pets.

Vacate Orders

For individuals going through a divorce, Massachusetts courts offer another option: a vacate order. This type of order requires a spouse to leave the marital home, ensuring the other spouse can remain there safely while the divorce proceeds.

Each of these tools is designed with one goal in mind: protecting victims and ensuring they are not forced to live in fear.

When Should You Seek a Protective Order?

Some victims hesitate to pursue protective orders because they fear it will look like a legal tactic. Others believe their situation isn’t “serious enough” to warrant court involvement. But protective orders are not about strategy—they are about safety.

If you feel unsafe, controlled, or threatened, your situation may qualify. Protective orders exist to keep people safe, not to be used as bargaining chips in divorce. Consulting with an attorney can help you understand whether your experiences meet the requirements under Massachusetts law.

Overcoming the Barriers to Leaving

Leaving an abusive relationship is one of the hardest steps victims take. Fear, financial dependence, and emotional manipulation create powerful barriers. Abusers may threaten to harm children, pets, or even themselves if the victim tries to leave.

This is why protective orders matter—they provide a layer of legal protection that can help victims take back control. Knowing the law is on your side makes it easier to break free from a dangerous situation.

Why Early Recognition Matters

The earlier victims recognize abuse, the more options they have. Identifying the cycle, understanding the escalation, and seeking legal protection can prevent months or years of trauma. It can also stop children from growing up in unsafe environments.

By recognizing abuse early, victims can protect their mental health, physical safety, and long-term well-being. Waiting only gives the abuse time to escalate.

Taking Back Control of Your Life

The journey out of an abusive relationship is never simple. But victims should know they are not alone and that the law provides tools to help. Whether through restraining orders, harassment protection orders, or vacate orders, Massachusetts courts are there to protect those at risk.

At O’Connor Family Law, we guide clients through this process. We ask the questions that uncover the reality of their situation and help determine whether it rises to the level that allows for a protective order. Most importantly, we stand beside victims in their fight for safety.