Staying Calm When Divorce Gets Nasty

March 3, 2022 O'Connor Family Law Divorce

A Cooler Head Can Prevail

It’s an ugly truth: divorce can get nasty. Whether emotions run high or feelings toward each other are bitter because of how things are ending, couples getting divorced can sometimes be rather mean to each other throughout the process. While divorce can certainly be difficult, it’s important to avoid letting your emotions get the better of you and not lash out at your spouse.

Equally as important as not attacking your spouse is refusing to retaliate when they get nasty. Keep in mind that cooler heads prevail; here are some tips to help you keep calm in the midst of a nasty divorce.


It’s easy to feel as if you failed when divorce rears its head, but you have to keep this statement in mind: getting a divorce does not mean you failed! It’s understandable to look back on a relationship and wonder where things went wrong, but when you allow yourself to feel as if you failed, you open up the opportunity for negative feelings to creep in and plant themselves in your thinking.

Part of avoiding an ugly divorce is changing your thinking. Thinking about things from a different point of view can elevate your spirits. Therefore, you should not think of divorce as a sign of your failures but rather as an opportunity to embrace a new beginning. As the saying goes, think of it as making lemonade out of sour lemons.


Divorce is not the time to mess around with your spouse for the sake of getting revenge nor is it the time to retaliate every time your spouse does something that goes against you. It can be very tempting to want to give in to your feelings of anger and frustration for the opportunity to take it to your spouse, but doing so can actually end up hurting your own case.

You should purpose early on in your divorce that you will refuse to play games throughout the process. Share this with your divorce attorney, as well, as they can keep you accountable to this.


When the proceedings get difficult or if your spouse starts acting erratically, that does not mean it’s the time to panic. In fact, those moments are the perfect time to take a deep breath and try to think clearly about how to proceed. Letting emotions dictate your thinking can only lead to clouded judgment and poor decisions.

When feelings become too much, consider participating in one of your favorite relaxing activities. Whether you take a bath, go for a walk, or do something, be sure to take the opportunity to clear your head before making any decisions.


When things get ugly, it’s important to have a plan in place for how you will act and how you will proceed at certain junctures. Talk through your options with your attorney, and together you can come up with a plan for how you will behave in certain situations that may arise. You can also create a plan for how you will protect yourself and your mental health by setting boundaries for what you will or will not do.


Remember that you have a great resource walking by your side throughout your divorce: your attorney. Your divorce attorney is not only a great resource of legal expertise, but they have also helped many others work through divorces that have gotten ugly. Their experience in handling these cases can help you work through your own, as they may have advice on how to work through difficult situations or an aggressive spouse.

At O’Connor Family Law, we’re in the business of taking lemons and making them into lemonade. We can help you work through a divorce because we’ve been there before. Our team will help you throughout each step of the process while protecting your rights and defending you from any attack from your spouse.

Learn more about divorce in Massachusetts or speak with a member of our team by calling us at 774- 703-3755 or by visiting our website.