What Can I Do If My Ex Keeps Violating the Parenting Agreement?

A parenting agreement, or parenting plan, is a document that outlines each parent’s rights and responsibilities regarding child custody, visitation, and decision-making for the child. What happens if the co-parent consistently violates the agreement? This not only creates stress and confusion for the child and yourself, but it can also have a detrimental impact on your child’s emotional well-being. The co-parent who is abiding by the parenting agreement is not just along for the ride, however; there are things that the co-parent can do if their ex keeps violating. Here are some of the options and what to keep in mind if you find yourself in this situation.

All About Parenting Agreements

Parenting plans outline what the child’s life looks like, even when the parents are no longer together. The best parenting plans are specific, in-depth, and make the child the focal point. Ideal parenting plans leave no ambiguity and result in minimal disruption to the child’s life. Most parenting plans include clear terms on things like:

• Custody arrangements (legal and physical custody)
• Visitation Schedules
• Guidelines for exchanging the child 
• Communication expectations and boundaries
• Relocation clauses
• Non-disparagement clauses (to prevent negative talk from one parent about the other)

What Are Some Common Parenting Plan Violations?

One of the most common parenting plan violations is simply failure to follow the visitation schedule. This can include frequently being late for exchanges, refusing to return the child at the agreed-upon time, or denying the other parent their scheduled visitation.

Another common violation is interfering with the child’s relationship with the other parent. Parents may engage in this behavior–called parental alienation–to get the child on “their side” and weaken their relationship with the other parent. They might do this by encouraging the child not to communicate with the other parent. The parent could take things further and block phone calls or messages from the other parent. Additionally, the parent might badmouth the other parent, speaking negatively about the other parent in front of the child to turn them against that parent.

Depending on the custody arrangement–whether joint or shared, physical or legal- the parents have rights and responsibilities regarding their children. Despite this being laid out, sometimes one parent will do things such as make important decisions without the other’s consent. If there is joint legal custody, both parents have to agree on important issues such as changing the child’s school, making medical or mental health decisions, and enrolling the child in extracurricular activities. Taking these steps alone may be a violation of the agreement. 

One of the most severe violations is allowing the child to be around unsafe individuals or engaging in neglectful behavior when around the child. Lack of safety and neglect is different than the child being exposed to situations you would prefer they not be exposed to (for instance, dad’s new girlfriend). If the co-parent is binge drinking while the child is at the co-parent’s home, that would be an example of a safety concern. If there are true safety concerns, this must be addressed immediately. 

My Ex Keeps Violating–What Can I Do?

Violations are frustrating. Fortunately, there are steps that you can take to hold your ex accountable for repeat violations. 

Document All Violations

Keep thorough records of each instance in which your ex fails to comply with the parenting agreement. Documentation can provide necessary evidence if you need to go to court. You should have a written log of violations, noting the date, time, and nature of the breach.

Communicate With Your Ex

Sometimes, parenting agreement violations occur due to misunderstandings or scheduling conflicts. Before escalating matters, consider having a calm and constructive conversation with your ex, if it is safe and feasible to do so. A mediator may help facilitate these conversations. This neutral third party can help both parents reach an agreement on disputed issues.

File a Motion for Contempt of Court

Sometimes, this is the only strategy. If your ex continues to violate the agreement despite your efforts, you can file a motion for contempt with the family court. Contempt means that they are not following the court’s order. Now, it is important to understand that just because a parent has violated the parenting plan does not mean that they will be found in contempt. For instance, if your ex-spouse was 20 minutes late for pickup one time, that probably is not enough to warrant contempt. There must have been a clear and unequivocal order, followed by clear and undeniable disobedience. Simply put, this means that your ex needed to have the expectations clearly spelled out, and then they obviously disobeyed the rules. An example would be knowing the child does not live with them, yet not returning the child to the parent who has sole custody. 

Modify the Parenting Agreement

While you likely believed that the parenting agreement was a good agreement when you first entered into it, circumstances such as repeated violations can change your mind. You might wonder if it is possible to modify the parenting plan. Modifications of the parenting agreement are possible. Both parties can agree to the modification, or one parent alone can request a modification. That parent will need to file a complaint for modification, listing the reasons that would justify the requested modification. The goal of these changes should be to better support your child’s stability and well–being.

Contact an Experienced Massachusetts Child Custody Lawyer

If your ex is violating the parenting plan, it is crucial to take action to protect your parental rights and your child’s well-being. A family law attorney experienced in child custody matters can help you understand your legal options and take the necessary steps to enforce the agreement. Whether your ex is failing to communicate about important decisions or repeatedly disregarding the court-ordered schedule, an experienced child custody attorney can assist you in taking action to enforce the agreement.